Don’t be so harsh on yourself…

I learned how to identify it on my own because I have been there before.  Back then, I was a perfectionist constantly focusing on idealistic goals.  And I was so harsh on myself that it’s negatively affecting my self-esteem and self-confidence.

If you are not sure whether you are too harsh on yourself, my last article mentions a list of signs indicating you need to learn not to be too harsh on yourself.  Click here if you are interested in reading the article.

You can become your own best friend or your own worst enemy.  Choose wisely.

Here are a few key points for you to work on:

1. Learn to have realistic expectations

When setting a goal, make sure it’s challenging yet achievable.  The target must be possible within your reach.  Always ask yourself if the goal is doable.  For example: Do you have the skill level for the task?  Do the financial ability for the budget?  If you can’t draft out a plan to reach your target, maybe it’s time to make a more realistic goal.

2. Challenge your mind’s negative thoughts

Your thoughts are important.  They can even have the power to distort the reality.  Insecurity creates a cascade effect of negative thoughts.  It doesn’t matter how many times you repeatedly blame yourself because this cannot make things better.  In fact, you can only make the situation worse.  It is also a waste of energy too.  Always learn to look for something positive.  For example, ask yourself what you have done well, and what you like about yourself and your life.

3. Everyone is uniquely different. Don’t compare yourself to other people

It’s quite common for people to compare to others.  Not only it’s unproductive, it’s also affecting your own belief.  We don’t know what everyone else has gone through.  We can’t truly compare to them.  Therefore, if you really want to compare, you should be comparing to You Own Self in the Past (yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago etc.).  Accept who you are – both your strength and your flaws.

4. Look for a lesson from your mistake instead of self-blame

When a mistake occurs, don’t keep blaming yourself.  It’s also not helping the situation, no matter how long you blame yourself.  No one is perfect.  We all make mistakes at some point.  What’s more important is that we don’t repeat the same mistake, again and again.  Learn from your previous mistakes, then take a deep breath and move on.

5. Accept what you cannot change

We can’t change other people, the past or the circumstances that are out of our control.  The only thing we can change is ourselves.  I know it’s easy to resist to change, and it’s also very hard to accept it.  But sometimes, we can only take a few deep breaths, and move on.

6. Take care of yourself

Spend time to keep your soul happy.  Your soul deserves to be happy.  Happiness is a choice – your own choice.  For example, go to a yoga class, or relax in a spa, or watch a movie with your loved ones.  Forget about being perfect, and always keep improving yourself.  Be more positive.

7. There is no absolute best way to do anything

Life is not black or white.  You will only limit your thinking by believing that there’s only one perfect solution.  Indeed, in most scenarios, the perfect solution doesn’t exist.  We can only try to be open to each possible path and pick the best option objectively.  But if you are too hard on yourself, your thoughts can limit you from objectively thinking of the best solution.

8. Stand up for your thoughts, even if it’s not popular

Don’t underestimate your talents.  If you have an idea that’s not the same as others, it’s not a problem at all.  Share your thoughts with your team.  Let them understand your idea.  Thinking out of the box is not wrong.  That’s how all the creative ideas generate.

9. Be objective to other’s criticisms

People may give positive or negative criticisms.  Always take the feedback objectively.  Observe your emotion and thoughts.  If it’s a positive criticism, take it happily.  Don’t let your mind accuse this compliment as a sarcastic critic, instead of as a praising.  Even if it’s a negative criticism, don’t start worrying the whole world has a negative opinion on you.  Appreciate the person’s criticism, and learn from the mistake.

Do you want to be your own best friend or your own worst enemy?  Think carefully and choose wisely.


With love,

Cecilia Or

Always Remember Why Inc.

Always Remember W.H.Y.

Be Well, Be Happy, Be You