“How could I have made that mistake? I shouldn’t have done something so silly. Now no one likes me.”
“Why did I say that? I am never good enough. I shouldn’t have said that joke. It’s not funny. They must be laughing at me, not laughing with me.”
Are you always harsh on yourself?
Of course, it’s great to have expectations and goals. But when these thoughts are unnecessarily critical, then maybe you are far too harsh on yourself.
Many of us tend to criticize ourselves because we all wish to improve.
How can you tell if your criticism too harsh? I learned to identify it in myself because I have been there before.
Here are 6 Signs to Realize You are too Harsh on Yourself:
1. Dwell on Your Previous Mistakes Forever
When you make a mistake, you blame yourself again and again, sometimes for multiple days. It doesn’t matter if you managed to fix the problem. All you see is that one mistake that you previously made. Guilt continuously eats you up. You are in habit of setting an over-idealistic target and thinking in the black or white with no grey area, so things usually don’t go your way. You tend to have lots of reasons to get mad at yourself and the world around you.
2. Never Good Enough
Do you often focus on how the inadequate you are? Your mind seems to keep talking in a negative tone and using negative vocabularies. The self-talk tends to go in a spiral cascade effect, lowering your self-esteem.
3. Constantly Compare Yourself with Other People
There is always someone that’s a bit smarter, a bit prettier, a bit richer etc. But this is a repeating routine step in your mind, and you will compare to the other person that is better in one trait without looking at all the other factors.
4. Focus on What You Cannot Change
Even though you know it’s a factor that is out of your control, you still wish that this unchangeable factor can somehow be changed. Your mind keeps giving you this negative talk, letting you continue to stay at the end of a dead-end road instead of looking for a different new path elsewhere.
5. No Longer Take Care of Your Well-Being
When you are supposed to go out for a movie or enjoy a spa, you keep telling yourself that “you are too busy and you will never have time for that”. You continue to come up with some excuses because you no longer take good care of your own self, or do something that makes you happy and gives you satisfaction. It’s a bit like punishment because you think you don’t deserve it.
6. Seldom Take a Compliment as a Praise
When someone tells you that your dress looks nice or your new haircut is great, your natural negative self-talk will take over and start doubting if this compliment is true or if the person is mocking you sarcastically. To some extent, your mind is afraid of receiving a compliment or praise, because you don’t think you have ever been good enough.
Do you fit into any of the above categories? I used to be too harsh on myself as well, and it took a while before I could learn to balance it. You can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy. Click here for a few key points to work on.
With love,
Cecilia Or
Always Remember W.H.Y.
Be Well, Be Happy, Be You
