Most of us feel insecurity at some points in our lives. It’s not always a problem to feel insecure. But when it starts to spread to every aspect of your life, then it can be self-destructive to both yourself and the people around you. When you are constantly insecure, you start to look at the world differently. You are overwhelmed with decisions, and you are afraid to express your idea. It also affects you to perform your daily tasks and simple conversations with your friends. Then it is an unhealthy state. It is basically limiting your ability to enjoy your life and develop real relationships. In my last article, I talked about the various negative effects of insecurity in this stage. If you are interested in reading these symptoms, please click this Link to read it.
Life is not always predictable. Many factors can lead to the development of more insecure feeling. But if you can make yourself gear up to recognize and reduce the insecurity attack, you will always be able to rebuild and move forward to find more happiness again.
Here are the steps to build up your power, so that you can fight back with the insecure feeling:
(1) Create the “Guard the Insecurity” journal.
Make sure it’s thick enough with dividers, and the papers are lined for writing. Alternatively, you can also use a binder with dividers.
(2) Think of your fears and list them on paper.
Write down your fears. Now stare at every single item on your list individually and ask yourself, “Why do you fear?”, “Is it really impossible to handle this fear?” and “Can you think of some positive solutions?”
Sometimes, it can be very overwhelming when you are surrounded by all fears at the same time. It can make us feel intimidating. But when you break down the issues into smaller pieces, it’s not as bad as you think.
(3) Think of your successes and list them on paper. Keep adding new success to the list.
Build up your success list. When you start to feel like being engulfed by your insecurity, you will likely to forget all your previous successes. Keep both your fear list and success list in a journal. Read through them when you are feeling too insecure.
(4) Think about what could be the outcome.
- Ask yourself, “What could be the worst scenario that could happen?”
- Then ask yourself, “What could be the best scenario that could happen?”
- Write down 5 things for each question.
- Now take a look at the points carefully, and conclude, “Should I go for it?”
(5) Write down your strength and skills.
Write down your strength and skills. Make a list of your 10-15. Because when insecurity is all over your mind, you won’t recall your positive qualities.
(6) Practice positive self-talk, especially when your mind keeps giving negative self-talk.
In the beginning, practice this positive self-talk as a daily routine to counteract your lack of confidence, preferably in front of the mirror. This can prepare you to be ready: When the negative self-talk comes to your mind, you can easily and quickly dissolve it. Non-stop self-blaming can never help in any situation.
(7) Practice thinking objectively.
Learn to think objectively. When you are self-doubt and uncertain about your own ability, don’t just say “No” to yourself right the way. Try to say “Yes”. Then pull yourself out to analyze the situation as if you are a different person. You really want to help this person in the story. What can you tell this person to do? It can be helpful to write down your thoughts too.
(8) Accept imperfection. If the weakness can be improved, search for a solution.
No one is perfect. We all have flaws, and we all have weaknesses. If it’s something that cannot be changed, you have to work on accepting it. If the weakness or flaw can be changed, you can work on improving it. For example, if you can get overstressed easily, you can start working on your point of views and your coping skills. But if you don’t like your height, you may not be able to do too much about it, so most likely, you can only buy shoes with hidden insoles to give you a couple extra inches.
(9) Learn to express your thoughts, even when your idea is not the popular option.
When you learn to express your ideas, you will feel less insecure, because you start to realize that other people don’t always ignore you and your suggestions. Remember it’s too demanding to express your opinions, but make sure you are exchanging your thoughts in a calm tone, not blaming each other. This also allows other people can understand you better, and thus, improving your relationships with them.
(10) Don’t compare yourself to other people.
If you constantly comparing to the others, you will always feel inferior, because you are only comparing their best talent to yours. Yes, there is always someone that’s richer, prettier, or smarter than us. But they are not necessarily better than us. We are all unique individuals. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your own life. Improve it. Make it better based on your own standard (not someone else’s standard).
(11) Learn to be more forgiving, both to yourself and to other people.
Don’t make your conclusions too quickly. Take time to make your judgment. Try to pull yourself out and look at the situation as if you are a different person. Putting others down may seem to raise you up at the moment. But it’s not the best solution. When you are knocking someone down, it is not truly increasing your confidence. It actually makes you feel more insecure in the long run. You start worrying their revenge and gossips, no matter if they exist.
In contrast, if you learn to raise others up, you will also raise yourself up. It doesn’t look like it immediately, but as times go by, you will start seeing the happiness in you and the other people. You will make the team better, and you will be more willing to express your ideas, so you will receive more respect and build meaningful relationships with others. It also makes you have less to worry. You don’t have to fear of their fightback actions. Your entire team will be lifted up to a better standard, giving you a better working atmosphere. You will become happier with more confidence.
(12) Spend time daily to do a task that let you feel relax and happy.
Always take the time to do 1 thing that makes your soul smile every day. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It doesn’t need to take lots of time.
It can be a hobby such as drawing, playing an instrument etc. If you like some relaxing moment, you can take a bubble bath, or have a glass of red wine, or even read an interesting book. If you have a bad day, you can try to go to get a coffee and have a chat with another customer in the café. It may sound funny, but when you are talking to someone that doesn’t give you pressure, you will likely have a great conversation.
Whatever you choose, make sure it makes you feel relaxed and happy. Don’t forget to reserve this time for yourself every single day, no matter how “busy” you feel because you deserve to be happy too.
Always Remember W.H.Y.
Be Well, Be Happy, Be You